July 10, 2017

The Softy Approach

This week was a party!
Monday through Wednesday was spent camping at Wasa Lake with friends.
Thursday through Saturday was spent camping with family at Lower St. Mary's. 
Just the Rem and I in a tent.
Woke up to the chirping birds each morning and it was heeeeeeeaven! 
We scored 3 new sets of tan lines and a serious 400+ mosquito bites.
Sand everywhere!

It was so so worth flying solo without JP, even though we missed him a ton.

Summer, you guys! It's THE BEST!

source.
I think the thing I loved most about this past week were those glimmers of wanting and loving to be absolutely still + calm. They didn't always exist as I was constantly worrying about Rem, but I started to realize something and that is that I love the soft approach in life. I'm not always good at it, but I love it! I NEED it.

All too often I micromanage situations. I sit back and HOPE Remi doesn't steal that toy or sit back and silently hope that Jason will pretty please put his crap away after making his lunch. Ya know? Do any of you do this?? I am so used to tidying up and looking after things that I anticipate the poor behavior, the messes, and the stress. It's a lame and pathetic way to live if I'm being honest and I don't love it. 

Sometimes I don't love the monotony of motherhood. 🙊
Often I can even be a silent stress case!
Nine times out of ten I react in a way I regret.

That BUGS me.

So today I'm zeroing in on this thing I call the softy approach that is best explained in this book excerpt below. I'm an impressive 4 pages in haha, but I've skimmed through and I looove books like these. Boosts my heart. You'll love it!

•••

Currently reading: Only Love Today by Rachel Macy Stafford

4 || GROWTH

I've had enough of my hard edges.
I'm tired of straining my voice.

I'd like to loosen up and laugh a little more, be positive rather than negative.

I'd like to feel the upward curve of my lips. I'd like to surrender control of things over which I have no control. I'd like to let things unfold in their own time, in their own way.
I'd like to participate joyfully in this fleeting life.

I'd like to be softer
toward him,
toward her,
toward myself.

Thus, this will be the year of my softening. 
And this is my vow:

I vow to listen to opinions. I don't always have to be right. I don't always have to agree or have the last word.

I vow to hand over the hairbrush, the pile of laundry, the school project, the task before me.
"How would you do it?" I will ask.

I vow to step aside and respect a new approach. 
Success might be difficult to see at first; I vow to keep looking.

I vow to be more accepting of quirks and mannerisms. I vow to be more accepting of tastes and styles unlike my own. 

I vow to remember he is in the process of becoming; she is in the process of finding her way. 
And they are more apt to do it if I stop telling them how.

I vow to regard "weaknesses" as hidden strengths. Inner gifts can be nurtured when I stop plotting ways to alter, change, and "improve". 

I vow to greet my family -- and myself -- with a loving smile, not matter what happened yesterday. Grudge-holding only hurts us all.

I vow to pause before correcting. I will take a moment to consider if the mistake even needs to be mentioned at all.

I vow to stop nitpicking until it bleeds.
I vow to demand less and inquire more. 
I vow to listen,
consider,
and expand my thinking.

I vow to be a voice of encouragement in a demeaning world.
I vow to be a silver lining spotter in my family's little world.
I vow to be softer today than I was yesterday -- a softer voice, a softer posture, a softer touch, a softer thought, a softer timetable.
I vow to be softer toward the imperfect human being inside and the one beside me. 
By being softer I can hear more, learn more, feel more, and love more.
At last I will fully see.
I will see his colors.
I will see her colors. 
I will see my colors.
Perhaps for the very first time.
The colors might take my breath away, bring me to tears,
or offer long-awaited peace.

I will soften in order to illuminate the colors of the soul.
I will soften so the human being inside me and beside me can shine. ☀️

•••

sooooo good right?!
challenging situations and tried-patience get me every time but I've seen this softy approach throughout my life and it's foolproof. Now, if only I could perfect it. 

GAME ON! 🤾

June 10, 2017

AZ TRIP 6:1


I'm suuuper late to the party on this one but I've finally thrown some of the AZ footage together! We were there during Mother's Day and it was perfect because both of our parents showed up for the fun too! Remi was in grandparent heaven with all the attention and spoiling but I wasn't complaining.

A trip with both sets of "inlaws" is kind of a rare thing I feel. It was so interesting to see both worlds collide. For the first 2 days I turned into an analytical introvert and I think I was just intrigued to watch them interact -- sounds super creepy I know! It was fun though and Jason and I have been blessed with some of the best!

Drone shots were a lot of fun, the first baseball game we went to had karaoke fireworks afterwards, we checked out both temples, explored a bunch, and ate our weight in amazing state-side restaurants. Remi doesn't have a very athletic drive in her (other than running) but we tried out baseball and it was pretty funny. The "coach" was giving me some tips afterwards and said I needed to probably get her a baseball tee.

Dude, she's 3!

But yes, I bought a dang tee!

She's totally getting to that organized-sports age and I am totally becoming THAT mom. I'm so stoked! She will be hilarious.

June 3, 2017

Vulnerability Post: It Takes TWO


Jason has been away on a golf trip since Wednesday and building up to that day I would get people asking me if I needed help, if I was okay with this, that's a long time to be gone, etc. -- there was some serious concern there! If I'm being honest (that's the point of this whole challenge right?), I looooove my alone time.

I 100% cherish solitude.

I didn't used to be this way and this is where the vulnerability comes in. Being with Jason has always been a party. 🎉 He's a social animal. Loves his family, loves his friends, loves to GO GO GO, loves to be spontaneous. When we were first married he sold for Vivint and we were placed in an apartment with some other friends - some married, some not. It was nonstop fun! The Goughs, some of our best buds to this day, lived in that apartment and I always joke that we as wives and they as the husbands were more of a couple than we were as spouses. They sold together and had the same schedules where Erin and I both woke up early for our 8-5 jobs and played soccer in the evenings. It matched up that way and it was great! I definitely blame our solid relationship on this lifestyle so I wouldn't have it any other way. JP and I will be married for 7 years in August and I have always been up for the crazy, up for the party, up for the random shenanigans.

Until NOW.

Guys. something is weird! Remi is 3 so it wasn't becoming a mom that spurred it. I'm not pregnant so it's not fatigue. I'm a stay-at-home mom so it isn't a hectic work schedule. I think it's just time. Time for me to finally embrace what most couples do their FIRST year of marriage. ;) I don't mind staying behind some nights to catch up on projects, binge watch a TV series, or even sleep. I have definitely developed an independence as a mom with my own schedule and my own routine. I do what I want and not in an entitled, sassy way! It's just nice to put your foot down and do what you want time to time. It's that backbone thing I was talking about earlier and it's heavenly!!

Jumping forward to life these days. Jason works in his office AKA mancave out in our backyard. It throws a pretty huge wrench into my daily routine if he pops up unannounced and I'm sitting down to read or check out Insta. INSTANT GUILT. Ohhhh yeah that's right, I was just heading downstairs to start some laundry. Just kidding! 😂  Or say I'm disciplining Remi and she says something like, "I just want to go outside and see my daaaaaddy!" Knife to the heart. It's just makes mom life a smidge more difficult.

So heck yeah I look forward to alone time! I love to stuff my face with dads cookies and not feel like he's going to walk through those doors any second. I enjoy my space from time to time - especially when the Rem is napping. (like right now!) Don't get me wrong, I still love a social life. It's just a more mid-range priority now.

I closed off a ton when secondary infertility struck only because I honestly didn't know how to handle all of that. Still don't. I think that's why I'm so back and forth. Some days I need the upliftment, other days I just need the quiet. And it's just sudden! No rhyme or reason to these moments. Sometimes don't feel like talking and other moments I completely crave social interaction. Does anyone else experience this?? Odd stuff.

Oh and how is my week going without Jason you ask?

You would think with the above information being thrown out like I know what I'm talking about I would say something like, "SO GREAT!" but the fact of the matter is, life with Remi is life with Remi. Solitude has rarely graced me with it's presence. Toddlers! Nuff said. After she colored all over herself with a marker while I showered (rookie mistake), emptied her entire sock and underwear drawer into a cooler and stashed it in the closet so I had no idea where to find them making her only option to go commando for the day, and THEN threw a tantrum at dinner - chucking an entire bowl of taco salad all over the floor and walls, I had a rude awakening. 💡

It definitely takes two around here. 

When my patience is shot it's JP who creates the freedom. He's a helper husband. A HUGE one! He does a lot and I know that! I just hate to admit it sometimes. Vulnerability guys! I could make a whole other post focused on how amazing JP is, and I just might with Father's Day coming up 😜 , but the fact of the matter is I am selfish and often take just my own feelings into account. He deserves far more credit, if not all the credit! For example, Jason has never started a fight in our marriage. How is that for guilt on my end? HA! I carry the emotional explosives with me every time.

EVERY. TIME.

It's annoying being a girl sometimes.

Jason naturally doesn't go there - to the dramatic side, and it helps me a lot! I take a page from his book almost daily. || JP'S GUIDE ON HOW TO LIVE A DRAMA-FREE LIFE || I've never met someone and still don't know anyone with his charm and ability to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and not cast judgment. He's a gem.

Sometimes, yes, I wish and pray for more involvement in the sensitivity category, but then I'd probably have a whiny, irrational, or needy husband and I would waaaaay rather prefer the drama-free version! It's refreshing 99% of the time. The other 1% of the time, those thoughts get thrown on here so... sorry!! 😉

And that's my vulnerability for the day.
1. that I am a weirdo recluse all of a sudden in random moments and
2. I am super selfish and often forget to show my appreciation to my amazing husband.

Two very very random things but this is how I'm feeling. This is how we do ✌🏽 -- commando days and all.