It took the full effects of motherhood for me to realize just how imperfect I really am. For two years I have been put through quite the emotional, introspective wringer - as most of you mothers can probably also relate. It's not always easy and it's not always "all I ever wanted" but I am here to tell you that sometimes it is.
I often go through life relating to people's struggles. It's easier to feel better about myself when I know someone has a similar flaw, a similar frustration, or a similar problem. I read article after article and take part in conversation after conversation with other people who have picky eaters, other people who sometimes get lonely or other people who hate putting away laundry (the struggle is real!) and this month I decided it's draining. It's something 100% normal but I find it exhausting. I wish it was natural to find genuine happiness in other people who are just a bit more fortunate in some areas or even a bit less fortunate in some areas.
How different would things be??
- You have had 2 kids, have THAT bod, and you're running a marathon? I'm so happy for you!
- You have a fantastic job, get to work alongside your husband AND get to travel the world? I'm so happy for you!
- You just "woke up like this", have the cutest outfit, and always seem to look like a bombshell? I'm so happy for you!
- Your career is that enjoyable and you make how much?! I'm so happy for you!
- What?! Your baby sleeps through the night and mine is a colicky mess? I'm so happy for you!
- You always have the best attitude and everyone just loves you? I'm so happy for you!
- You have the most beautiful smile, your hair is all real and you are naturally that beautiful? I'm so happy for you!
- You have a gorgeous home and live life super comfortably? I'm so happy for you!
- You are pregnant after not even really trying and I've been trying for 6 months now? I'm so happy for you!
- You own that cabin, that boat, and that car? I'm so happy for you!
- You can keep life super simple and modest? I'm so happy for you!
- You are super crafty and sing like an angel? I'm so happy for you!
- You find time to help so many people out and serve that much? I am so happy for you!
- Your house stays this clean most of the time? I'm so happy for you!
- Your husbands helps you out that often? I'm so happy for you!
Be honest, we have all been there. How many of those bullets did you read with a tweaked sense of sarcasm, a little guilt, or some self loathing? It sucks, am i right?! That's why this year I am choosing to work on this one BIG thing: being genuinely happy. It would change everything if I could train my mind to even think 2x more optimistically towards others and their successes. It would change everything if I could talk a little less about my problems and a little more about my joys. It would change everything if I was just happy with being me.
With that being said, it's okay to vent every once in a while. We are human and we all have weaknesses that we know too well, but what about all the good you possess too? Let's focus on that. I think the key is to account for feelings. Not one person is going through life easy breeze so how are you helping them to feel better? How can we make things more positive? I know you are all about ready to punch me in the face due to all of this sappy 'rainbows + butterflies' talk but I just wish I could come out of every conversation with family, friends, and strangers feeling uplifted, inspired and of worth because ain't nobody got time for that other stuff! We are all great.
I wish and I wasn't so quick to compare. It gets in the way of the things I hold dear like kindness or the joys of motherhood. When I take the time to get out of my selfish slumps and genuinely love others, I see a bigger picture and life is good!
I know I'm not perfect. I know I have flaws. I know I won't be able to keep this up 100% of the time, but I'm trying my best to be happy - the real kind of happy.