June 3, 2017

Vulnerability Post: It Takes TWO


Jason has been away on a golf trip since Wednesday and building up to that day I would get people asking me if I needed help, if I was okay with this, that's a long time to be gone, etc. -- there was some serious concern there! If I'm being honest (that's the point of this whole challenge right?), I looooove my alone time.

I 100% cherish solitude.

I didn't used to be this way and this is where the vulnerability comes in. Being with Jason has always been a party. 🎉 He's a social animal. Loves his family, loves his friends, loves to GO GO GO, loves to be spontaneous. When we were first married he sold for Vivint and we were placed in an apartment with some other friends - some married, some not. It was nonstop fun! The Goughs, some of our best buds to this day, lived in that apartment and I always joke that we as wives and they as the husbands were more of a couple than we were as spouses. They sold together and had the same schedules where Erin and I both woke up early for our 8-5 jobs and played soccer in the evenings. It matched up that way and it was great! I definitely blame our solid relationship on this lifestyle so I wouldn't have it any other way. JP and I will be married for 7 years in August and I have always been up for the crazy, up for the party, up for the random shenanigans.

Until NOW.

Guys. something is weird! Remi is 3 so it wasn't becoming a mom that spurred it. I'm not pregnant so it's not fatigue. I'm a stay-at-home mom so it isn't a hectic work schedule. I think it's just time. Time for me to finally embrace what most couples do their FIRST year of marriage. ;) I don't mind staying behind some nights to catch up on projects, binge watch a TV series, or even sleep. I have definitely developed an independence as a mom with my own schedule and my own routine. I do what I want and not in an entitled, sassy way! It's just nice to put your foot down and do what you want time to time. It's that backbone thing I was talking about earlier and it's heavenly!!

Jumping forward to life these days. Jason works in his office AKA mancave out in our backyard. It throws a pretty huge wrench into my daily routine if he pops up unannounced and I'm sitting down to read or check out Insta. INSTANT GUILT. Ohhhh yeah that's right, I was just heading downstairs to start some laundry. Just kidding! 😂  Or say I'm disciplining Remi and she says something like, "I just want to go outside and see my daaaaaddy!" Knife to the heart. It's just makes mom life a smidge more difficult.

So heck yeah I look forward to alone time! I love to stuff my face with dads cookies and not feel like he's going to walk through those doors any second. I enjoy my space from time to time - especially when the Rem is napping. (like right now!) Don't get me wrong, I still love a social life. It's just a more mid-range priority now.

I closed off a ton when secondary infertility struck only because I honestly didn't know how to handle all of that. Still don't. I think that's why I'm so back and forth. Some days I need the upliftment, other days I just need the quiet. And it's just sudden! No rhyme or reason to these moments. Sometimes don't feel like talking and other moments I completely crave social interaction. Does anyone else experience this?? Odd stuff.

Oh and how is my week going without Jason you ask?

You would think with the above information being thrown out like I know what I'm talking about I would say something like, "SO GREAT!" but the fact of the matter is, life with Remi is life with Remi. Solitude has rarely graced me with it's presence. Toddlers! Nuff said. After she colored all over herself with a marker while I showered (rookie mistake), emptied her entire sock and underwear drawer into a cooler and stashed it in the closet so I had no idea where to find them making her only option to go commando for the day, and THEN threw a tantrum at dinner - chucking an entire bowl of taco salad all over the floor and walls, I had a rude awakening. 💡

It definitely takes two around here. 

When my patience is shot it's JP who creates the freedom. He's a helper husband. A HUGE one! He does a lot and I know that! I just hate to admit it sometimes. Vulnerability guys! I could make a whole other post focused on how amazing JP is, and I just might with Father's Day coming up 😜 , but the fact of the matter is I am selfish and often take just my own feelings into account. He deserves far more credit, if not all the credit! For example, Jason has never started a fight in our marriage. How is that for guilt on my end? HA! I carry the emotional explosives with me every time.

EVERY. TIME.

It's annoying being a girl sometimes.

Jason naturally doesn't go there - to the dramatic side, and it helps me a lot! I take a page from his book almost daily. || JP'S GUIDE ON HOW TO LIVE A DRAMA-FREE LIFE || I've never met someone and still don't know anyone with his charm and ability to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and not cast judgment. He's a gem.

Sometimes, yes, I wish and pray for more involvement in the sensitivity category, but then I'd probably have a whiny, irrational, or needy husband and I would waaaaay rather prefer the drama-free version! It's refreshing 99% of the time. The other 1% of the time, those thoughts get thrown on here so... sorry!! 😉

And that's my vulnerability for the day.
1. that I am a weirdo recluse all of a sudden in random moments and
2. I am super selfish and often forget to show my appreciation to my amazing husband.

Two very very random things but this is how I'm feeling. This is how we do ✌🏽 -- commando days and all.

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